2003-09-27

I am going to pee myself. Let's say somebody wanted something really, really, really, really, really bad. So They send their headshot out to Chicago to get this something. There is no answer. Somebody is crushed, but picks up the pieces and makes a new master plan. Then, about a year later. Somebody gets a letter saying that something is in their grasp. That's when I think somebody would pee their pants.

Maybe I should be more specific.

I just got a letter from Second City in Chicago inviting me to audition for their touring company. It's October 22nd and the callbacks (if I should get them) are on October 24th. So, I'll be in Philly just before that for my cousin's wedding. I mean, I'm scheduled to leave the 20th. But I don't have an actual job and I'd only miss one class at Second City's conservatory if I stayed longer, right?

I'm gonna do it. I just have to figure out how to pay for the bus ticket (or ride or plane or train) to get to Chicago and back and where the hell I'll stay once there.

I'm so scared. If I get it, I'd live in Chicago and be far away from all my family and friends- east and west coast. But I'd be doing what I'd been freaking dreaming about since college!!!!!

Then I might not get in and I'll be out umpteen million dollars and I'll come back to the LA conservatory school hanging my head in shame.

TOO. MANY. THOUGHTS. FEELINGS. HEAD. WILL. EXPLODE. WILL. LOSE. CONTENTS. OF. STOMACH.

It's so scary when you think you might not get what you want.

It's even scarier when you think you might.