2003-12-10

Teen April's getting bitter- or maybe just resentful. And she's whiny too... but, wait, that's nothing new. And her martyr complex is coming on very nicely, too. The new and improved April just did an Irish, guilty, maudlin alcoholic at her last class till after Christmas at Second City today. She is worrying that she won't be able to pay for the classes anymore and will have to put off finishing SC conservatory school. But forget about her. She's not half the martyr Teen April is. Anyway, grab a Clear Pepsi and let the words take you back to...

1-16-92

Diary [what, no endearment?],

I had 5 exams so far. Tomorrow is my last 2. I've crammed till late. I'm tired. I'm at a point where I don't like any boy. I don't even know if I'd say "yes" to Kevin. I doubt it. I've outgrown him [YES! YES! OH GOD! YES!- sorry, that was just so good to hear]. I feel I don't belong here. I'm a very sensitive person. I take things to heart, bruise easily and I am hurt very easily. I can't think of any kid who really wants me around. Nikki thinks I'm a tag-a-long, I know she does [duh! You're her younger sister. Isn't that tradition or something?]. Carol always cuts me down and smacks me and pulls my hair [Ah, Carol! The epitamy of friendship. Good times]. She might not realize it, but I think of her as a friend. I care about her. I've never cut her down or made her feel bad [Oh, boo-hoo. Stop being such a victim. You should have slapped her at least once. But that might be bad. Then half the girls in the neighborhood -including your sister- might have ganged up and given you a whuppin. Maybe keep the revenge secret. We could put her on mailing lists for animal porn. Crap. This is before email, though. Oh well]. When I'm with her she makes me feel like a reject or "retard," she calls me both. I need a real friend, one who loves me even for the talkative, quick tempered [huh? Just huh? You so aren't], and unselfconfidential person I am [Okay, huh? Don't forget uncoherentitial]. I can't change my talking, it's irrepressible. My temper I can control by walking away, which may work no matter how many times I've heard it [Okay, seriously, ask anyone who knows you. You don't even have a temper]. I can build some confidence in myself by going out for things. Self confidence helps people lose weight [Preteen April? Sweetie? Why do you constantly link confidence to being a toothpick?... Oh wait, I do that... And wait, society does that]. I'll tell you about the love and sex life I don't have tomorrow night [I have no idea why she's talking about sex life here. Maybe watching too many thirty-something sitcoms?]. Thanks for listening.

Tiredly,

April

God, she's so weird! Or I'm so weird! Jeez, the RETRO-DIARY experiment is giving me an identity crisis, I think. I don't know. Did you ever read your old journals and go, "Who the hell is this person?" That's how I feel every time I type up these things.