2003-12-20

Put on your righteous moral indignation and let the words take you back to...

1-19-92

Dear Diary,

Hi! [Deceptively enthusiastic "hi"] Nikki and Carol read my diary and said they were bored to death [Well, so am I but... Who the hell asked them?!!!... Sorry, but that actually still pisses me off]. Maybe I have no exciting sex life or love life [Again with the sex life? Dude, you have been watching too many thirty-something shows]. Except [Damn it! The bitterness is ending here. I really wanted more Bitter Preteen April] I really like Ben's friend, Chris. He's cute and he's actually nice to me. No other boy ever is [Really took me a while to dredge up this particular guy. I think he said I was pretty once- probably to be nice. I never looked pretty standing next to the other neighborhood girls, including La Nikki. Anyway, you know it takes practically nothing to get Preteen April to "really like" someone. It's like this stalker character I created at Second City. I start to wonder where these people I create there come from- then I look at these diaries and my family and friends and I'm like, "Oh. Yeah. That's it." Oops! Off topic again. Moving on]. I know he'd never care for me [Girl, you read way too many circa 1900 chick novels]. I'm too short [and chubbby- just say it], people think I'm immature. I don't feel I am [Honey, you kind of are]. I have common sense. I don't think sex is gross [Oh, now I see. This is some kind of defense against the neighborhood posse's accusations of immaturity based on the fact that Preteen April hadn't been to second base yet. It's all coming back. In that case: Honey, you ARE mature. I'm sorry, but maturity among fourteen-year-olds is not based on who is or isn't putting themselves at risk for pregnancy and STDs before their body is even finished developing!]. It's just something you wait to do until you really [heart shape] someone. And not when you're too young. Because you can never be sure if you truly love him. People think I'm immature because I think blow jobs and licking people's toes is not too pretty. [But as far as Preteen April being grossed out by the idea of oral sex, well she's going to have to get over that. Or The Future Mr. April won't be too pleased with what he's getting.] I think it's disgusting, unsanitary, and kind of perversed.

[At that age, though? Hell, yes. There were, as I may have mentioned before, two girls in the neighborhood at that time, who were my age, that were dubbed the "Blow Job Queens of Upper Darby." And they were my age! I mean, they had oral sex with random guys just for popularity! It's sick! I mean, really! See the end for further ranting on this subject.]

I'll definitely have sex someday [That's not necessarily true. You could join a convent]. I plan to wait until I'm married. If not, until I'm an adult. Someday a boy will come along, one who loves me for who I am, doesn't think every relationship needs sex, (because most guys are perverts) and isn't crueal and easily forced 2 dump me on peer pressure, like Kevin [Babydoll, you'd have to have really been going out for him to have really been forced to dump you. You really weren't... You are such a little stalker]. It's useless. I know what guys like. And I don't have it. I know what guys want. And I don't give it [Go on with your bitter self! Get bitter! Yes! Anything so the Disney stops]. I'll wait till one special guy comes along. I'm tired.

Goodnite.

April

P.S.- Thanks 4 listening.

As for my anti-fourteen-year-olds-having-sex rant:

Maybe y'all think I'm wrong, but I don't think thirteen-fourteen-year-old girls are ready for the emotional, and sometimes physical, repercussions of sex. You can disagree, even leave me nasty notes if you want, but I can't help but think it's true. There was this huge argument I got into once with the Blonde Jailbait Girl at The Scariest Denny's Ever to be Vandalized by Skinheads...

I may have mentioned the Jailbait Girls before. They were a group of high school freshmen that hung out with the Shiftless Twenty-something Losers that frequented The Scary Denny's. Sometimes, they crawled off to one of the guys' car and performed illicit acts. Once, The Blonde Jailbait Girl got caught by our manager peforming an illicit act on one of these guys. But, for the most part, the illicit acts went semi-undetected, except by the cheers of the other Shiftless Twenty-something Losers. The Blonde Jailbait Girl would respond to these cheers with smiles and blushes and giggles. Ugh!

Anyway, one night I was on my smoke break and was talking to one of the Shiftless Twenty-something Losers outside. Blonde Jailbait Girl was in attendance. They guy said something about the pregnancy rate among teens. I said it was so saddening. He agreed, despite the fact that The Blond Jailbait Girl was simpering all over his arm. I think he was her current car buddy at the time. Hypocrite. Anyway, I said that teenagers aren't equipped to handle the consequences of sex. Blond Jailbait Girl started spitting fire at me, saying how she'd been having sex for two years and she was perfectly fine about it and who was I to judge her? I didn't know nothin. About. Her. Life.

Sadly, ten to one, it involved early-childhood sexual molestation by a close family friend or, God forbid, relative OR maybe just a stand-offish father who never gave her his approval so she seeks it sexually from random men who could be jailed for sleeping with her.

Either way, I ended by saying that "maybe she was the exception to the rule," but if you aren't old enough to support yourself and a child, then you shouldn't be having sex. Also, my body didn't finish developing until college. I mean, if you can't wait for independence, financial stability, and emotional maturity- at least let your body develop before you start lending it out.

Sorry for being preachy, but there it is. Leave me a note and I can argue further. I love to debate hot topics. Anyone have thoughts on Joel vs. Mike from Mystery Science Theater? Cause I sure as heck do.

PS- hope my title didn't mislead you. *snerk*