2003-08-29

Screw you, "American Dreams"! I got work on "Boomtown" the day I would have been doing "American Dreams." I was a shopper in a mall where there was shooting and hostages and this awesome stunt guy had to die and his lifeless body went down the escalator and they gave us free Cinnabon and the AD's were not power-hungry, shouty, mean people (unlike the AD's on "American Dreams") and, I swear to God- seriously, I'm not even lying!- Donnie Wahlberg smiled at me! I know. Not a big deal, really. But somewhere inside me, a thirteen-year old was screaming with rapture.

This might not be exciting for anyone who isn't me, but I was a big New Kids on the Block fan in my preteen days. And Donnie was my boyfriend! Well, he wasn't my only one. Joey McIntire shared the title with him for being closer to my age- leading me to think of him as the more realistic boyfriend choice. But he stopped being my boyfriend when his voice changed and didn't sound so dreamy anymore.

Since Donnie has proved that he is still my boyfriend, I think we should hear from a fellow fan- namely, Preteen April. Oops! I mean Teen April. She's more mature now since this is the official end of the Kevin Crushboy era. Never will you see "I still love Kevin" at the top of every friggin entry ever again! Yay! Preteen April is starting to grow up. That is why I shall call her Teen April. But, hey. Let's not waste time. On with the RETRO-DIARY. Throw on an oversize sweater and some slouch socks, blast that New Kids "Hangin' Tough", and let the words take you back to...

1-6-92

Dear Diary,

I haven't written for a long time. So here's the scoop. Adam Marglebargle only went out with me (for a few days) because Angel, who moved, recently, to Puerto Rico w/ her mom, offered him a pack of ciggarettes [hey, me of all people should know how to spell that... or is that later?... Yeah, give it a year or three]. That was nice of her anyhow. Like it matters. [see how Teen April is becoming disillusioned and realistic? *Sniff* She really is growing up]. I won the election for student rep, but probably only because I was a girl [no huge triumph- the other candidate was a similarly unpopular boy and the class was made of mostly girls]. I've attended every student council meeting but one so far. I'm 14. I got plenty of presents. My social life is at low importance and status. But I don't care. I have too much on my mind. I have athsma and 2 inhalers to go with it. [Don't start on me for having athsma and smoking. It turned out I had allergic athsma. See, I inexplicably developed a bunch of allergies that year. I was suddenly allergic to all things that were cuddly... and dust mites. It turned out my aunt's cat was triggering me.] At first I used them regularly. They taste gross. Now I don't care. Because I have not had sudden attacks, who needs them.

[Here, Teen April reports her grades- they're all 90's- she's boring- I want to smack her. She starts to bury herself in academia at this point, though- which takes her closer to reading way too much depressing literature- which makes her bitter and cynical- which is a step up from schmoopy Crushboy-lover girl.]

I'm starting to hate Mrs. McTeacher. I know she can't stand me. [By the way, and how perfect is it that Teen April has allergies? She's getting closer and closer to stereotypical nerd. Too bad she doesn't have glasses yet. She gets them Sophomore year. By then, she's not as nerdy, though. Cause she starts becoming a full-time smoker, which makes her a rebel.] I'm not as much in love with Kevin. He is a jerk. [Yes! Thank you, Jesus!] But I feel he still likes me, but he may never go out with me or admit it. [Hey! Are we regressing? I thought this crap was over!] And if he asked me, I'm not sure I'd say "yes." [That's more like it!] After the confusing things that happened lately. I feel I've outgrown boys, they're so mean and immature [see, the boys at school have been giving Teen April the worst time about now]. Me, I watch Tiny Toons all the time and once in a while brush my fake kitten's hair. But dolls and things aren't immaturity. It's doing stupid things, making rude remarks on things you know nothing about. Example- Everyone in school says I stuff my bra. I have nothing on my chest [not even a bra]. And (excuse my clinical sounding) I have not hardly developed breasts. [How very clinical-sounding... except not.]I'm 14 in an 11 year old stage of developement. Although I got my period [like, months after the first time- I'm wondering if that first one was a fluke]. I'll tell you about Ben and Jaye later when I have more time and my family life lately too. Now I'm tired. I'm wearing the new, adorable, cute P.J.'s I got for Christmas. They say "sheep walking" or "sheepy time" etc. All over with little lambs all over [Are they all over? Are they? Huh?]. Cute, huh? [NO!] Now it's my "sheepy time" Goodnight, Diary, sweet dreams.

Sheepily,

April

EW! I may take Teen April back! She does not deserve it after that! She better prove herself next entry!