2003-09-06

So, there I was, pulling into the Chevron at 1 am. I was leaving Krazy K's, where I'd stopped to eat and watch TV when we got off work at the Dodgers Game (where they had been mercilessly slaughtered by the Astros).

Anyway, getting off topic. I pulled in to get gas. As anyone who's read me lately knows, I'm broke- really, really broke. But I had twelve dollars available on the credit card, so I decided it was safe to get some gas for the ride home. But how was I to know? How could anyone know?

I hand the old guy of unsure foreign origin behind the glass my card and say I want six bucks worth. He says I can't prepay on a credit card. So I ask if I can pump it first. He says, "Sure, Honey. Anything for you." I give him a wavery smile and I'm off to pump. He comes out as I'm pumping and asks my name. I consider lying and saying it's Prudence or Chastity, but I'm wearing a name tag- so I figure I'll be truthful. "April," I say shortly and turn back to watch the pump, hoping in vain that this ends the conversation. "That's beautiful," he says. "You're so beautiful." EW! EW! EW! See, he's old and bald and short and fat and creepy. Unfortunately, these are the men that are attracted to me. And, considering I'm not often described as beautiful, I tend to be creeped out when people (rarely) say so- because there almost always ends up being something off about those people.

I laugh it off, saying, "You're a funny guy" and replace the nozzle. I march back to the window, hoping to get back to business and AWAY! FROM! THE CREEPY! OLD! GUY! He goes back behind the window and slides the card.

It's declined.

Damn it!

I ask him to try again.

It's declined again.

DAMN IT!

I'd just called about the card at Krazy K's, so I knew there was money available. So I swallow my revulsion and ask if I could use his phone.

"Sure! Anything for the beautiful girl!"

EEEEEEW!

He lets me in the tiny glassy room and hands me a phone. He gestures for me to sit in his chair. I do so and concentrate very hard on getting the 800 number on the card exactly right so I can GET! THE HELL! AWAY! QUICKER!

"I like you," he says as I'm dialing. He pulls up a spare chair and sits next to me.

"Gee, thanks." Now you can access your account online with our new... SHUT UP WITH THE ADVERTS AND GET TO THE BALANCE, BASTARDS! SO I CAN GET! THE HELL! AWAY! FROM THIS CREEPY! ASS! OLD GUY!

"I like you so much," he says. He starts rubbing my neck.

"Okay," I say, flinching away.

"I like your hair," he touches the hair. I am frozen. And they still haven't told me MY GOD DAMN BALANCE!

"You married?" he asks.

"No." WHY CAN'T I EVER LIE?

"You want to marry with me?"

"No, thanks. I... uh... have a fiancee."

"I like you," he says again, as if my nonexistent fiancee didn't even exist. "I like your body, I like your breast..."

"Okay, I'm a little uncomfortable with that," I say, batting the hand away from my neck. I'm distracted from my rage by my balnce finally being said. There IS twelve dollars!

"Okay, there's enough on there. Could you try it again?" I say abruptly, handing him the card and heading for the door. I want to get back behind the window before he forgets himself again. CUSTOMER, CLERK! This is all we will ever be! He's tried it again before I reach the door and it's still declined. I grab my license out of my wallet (so creepy old guy won't know where I live) and hand him the thing.

"My friend lives right around the corner. I'm leaving this with you so you know I'll come back."

"Okay, Honey. Sure. Anyting for you." Did he not even notice how un-charming I found him?

I hightail it to Krazy K's and wake her up by pounding on the door. I blurt out my story in three seconds and she agrees to lend me the cash.

"Okay, you have to come with me, too. Cause he's creeping me out real bad!"

She agrees, thank God!

We drive back. I pay the guy and screech off to drop Krazy K back before he can creepily call me "honey" again.

This experience still gives me the heebie-jeebies, even writing this. The next day, my dad (who was in town for a few days) rubbed my neck briefly and called me "honey" and I totally flinched away. I am never going to a gas station without cash again!