2003-12-09

I almost didn't post this entry. It is the most embarrassing thing Preteen April (and she is soooo very preteen here) has ever subjected me to. I think Retro April fluctuates between teen and preteen by the day.

1-10-92

Dear Diary,

I love singing, when I do, everyone asks me to do it louder, except my friends who hear me so much, it annoys them after a while [or from the first second. Oh, and, Preteen, April, you, are over, using, commas]. Some people say I sound like a rock star [April must have overly high self-esteem on this glorious day]. I'm not sure that's what I want to be. Here are some possibilities:

1. singer- I love music and singing.

2. acting- I heart [except replace the word with a drawing of a heart. Ew.] to act, it's fun to express "your" feelings as another person

3. book writer- Some say I should be + I like writing

4. artist- Everyone says I should be one [Everyones says... some say... I like to toot my own horn. I think i'm soooo special.].

But here is what I really want to be [Thank God! The suspense was killing me.]:

A Disney animator [Oh, God, please don't! No. Please don't]. I love Disney. He's my idol, mentor, hero. I love the magic I feel while watching Disney films [It's hard to type from the fetal position. Which is where I am right now]. I want to be part of it, any part [Obviously, you haven't seen the Hercules-on downslide yet]. I love drawing caricatures and I know the Disney style of drawing. I've learned alot of characters except I can't do animals or men [Well, of course not, silly. You're under-aged. There will be plenty of time for deviant animal sex when you're eighteen]. I can do at least 100 voices types and I can do Bart, Lisa, and Marge Simpson [can't do Bart and Lisa anymore. Cigarettes have stolen those secret powers. Obviously, have no problem with Marge, Patty, and Selma]; Elmira from tiny Toons; and Katherine Hepburn [Still got those- except Katherine sounds remarkably like Walter Brennan sometimes]. So I'd love to do character voices, and song-writing [there's no way. You can hardly play the piano] or script writing or touch-up on old fairy tales. I'm tired. Good night. Thanks for listening.

Love ya,

April

So, she has such a nice, angsty entry before, then this drivel! Jesus! And could she compliment herself any more? I doubt it. And what's with the Disney love? I mean, it's on the page, so I guess it happened. I just must have blocked it out. Oh, who am I kidding? I just watched and analyzed two versions of The Parent Trap last weekend. But such complete Disney devotion? All her hopes and dreams tied up in being part of the Disney Team? I mean... The hell? I don't understand why. She was fourteen at this point. Surely I... I mean she should have outgrown all that.

Maybe Preteen April preferred that cookie cutter reality to a world where people made fun of her all the time. Maybe Preteen April didn't want to grow up because she was afraid she'd become La Nikki. You know how some women are afraid of becoming their mother? It might be like that.

La Nikki was too fast for her age. She always wanted to be older than she was. And me? I remember frequently looking around me and thinking, "Stop. Don't change." about everything and everyone I knew. I'm a stick in the mud. Or I was. Or Preteen April was. Stupid introspection. It makes my head all thirsty (that one's for Fannie).