2004-02-05

I am deep in novel world. I even have a third cooking. Well, not cooking. It's more like I know what I'm gonna make, but have yet to do any of the actual work. Anyway, that's happening when I'm done with the current trashy novel.

In other news, I still hate my jobs. But they allow me to focus on Second City for now as they are semi-flexible. So they stay.

In other, other news, I am getting back on Weight Watchers. I need the structure or it all goes to hell. That and I'm planning to go out Friday. I am sick of spending my nights off writing here, on the website, and in the novels. I need a night off from my nights off. I need to forget I'm chubby, forget I hate my new highlights (Home highlighting kits? Bad idea), and just mix with the rest of the world for a second. So I am going to what was once my favorite smoky karaoke bar and I'm going to drink, sing, and come home happy. My last few Fridays have been spent at my uncle's house. I watch movies with the kids and pass out on the couch, then wake up and stumble home.

This is not the way a healthy girl in her twenties lives. I need to go out and see if there's someone in Orange County who isn't mildly psycho or flaky. Every "friend" I've met so far has been. There must be a normal person somewhere down here. Right?

I've been feeling down about that extra twenty I gained (or gained back after losing it for a year). But I can't go on like that. I need to love myself no matter what. And I don't show me much love when I hide myself in my room with a computer every freakin' night. So what if I was thinner last time I went to that bar? It wasn't like a billion guys were fighting over my hand then! Not even ten thousand. Not even one.

Nothing is different. I am still me. And I will enjoy it!

There. That'll show me.