2004-09-16

It happens to every girl. You get a pervy IM. Rather than saying "sicko" and pressing the ignore button, you feel sort of affronted by this guy. So you start an argument, as you never have a good one anymore because you live in Laguna Niguel... where there are no people. The IM in question wasn't the dirtiest I ever got, but, as I said, a girl needs a good fight. Here it is:

WARNING- THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AND RAMPANT SEXISM. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED:

MichaelNC25: Spit or Swallow?

AprilMWalsh: why are you asking me this?

MichaelNC25: just wondering

AprilMWalsh: kind of a rude question. are you one of those guys who hates your mother and takes it out on all women by disrespecting them?

AprilMWalsh: just wondering

MichaelNC25: lol

MichaelNC25: no

MichaelNC25: and its not rude its straight forward

AprilMWalsh: would you like it if someone asked your mother or sister that question?

AprilMWalsh: your daughter?

MichaelNC25: why should i dance around with strings of bullshit attempting to woo you when i can just find out off the bad

MichaelNC25: bat even

MichaelNC25: well good for them

MichaelNC25: i would be proud of the person for having that much of a forthright attitude

AprilMWalsh: maybe i'm the kind of girl who wouldn't answer that kind of question

MichaelNC25: besides my moms dead im an only child and dont have kids lol

MichaelNC25: yeah maybe you are, and maybe not

MichaelNC25: if you were that kind of girl you wouldnt have responded

AprilMWalsh: so, basically, the only worth a woman has is directly related to oral sex etiquette.

MichaelNC25: there is more to it

MichaelNC25: a woman who performs fellatio with talent is a godess above women

AprilMWalsh: i think you have issues

MichaelNC25: i dont have issues i have subscriptions but thats not the point

AprilMWalsh: or you like to screw with people's minds

MichaelNC25: no

MichaelNC25: i didnt screw with anything

MichaelNC25: i asked a simple 3 word question

MichaelNC25: thats the problem with america today, you can see a man skinned alive on tv and you dont mind, but if someone talks about a blowjob its evil

AprilMWalsh: but it was a rude question. and i found it disrespectful and couldn't leave it without an argument

AprilMWalsh: not evil- rude

MichaelNC25: oh

MichaelNC25: well, you argued well, but you didnt really prove a concrete point

AprilMWalsh: meaning?

MichaelNC25: all you proved was your reluctance to answer a simple question

MichaelNC25: that and the sexual repression of the common member of the populas of our fine country

AprilMWalsh: i would answer that if there were any chance of my spitting or swallowing ever being relevant to you

MichaelNC25: what does it matter?

MichaelNC25: relevance is just an excuse

AprilMWalsh: to be blunt: i would answer that question in a bed, with a guy who i had some desire to sleep with... still not you

MichaelNC25: lol

AprilMWalsh: not a stranger on im who's just aasking it to get his rocks off

MichaelNC25: well, i would hope that the man knew if you spit or swallowed, or atleast performed fellatio in the first place before he got into bed with you

MichaelNC25: and im not doing it to get my rocks off lol

AprilMWalsh: i think it's best to keep some things a mystery, okay buddy? have a nice day.

MichaelNC25: you must be an older woman, no one uses that term for it anymore

AprilMWalsh: wrong again

MichaelNC25: and i think its best to not date chicks that dont suck dick lol

AprilMWalsh: you should go gay- i hear gay men have unparallelled skills, being men and all

MichaelNC25: yes, this is true, but there is just something unappealing in a man sucking on my cock

MichaelNC25: i perfer the beauty of a womans face to the gruffness of a mans

AprilMWalsh: close your eyes

MichaelNC25: lol it wont make a difference

AprilMWalsh: and make him wear a dress

MichaelNC25: thats sad

MichaelNC25: youre so repressed that you cant admit the fact that you suck dick and enjoy it

AprilMWalsh: whatever you say

MichaelNC25: the first symptom of repression

MichaelNC25: inability to talk about a subject

AprilMWalsh: why is it that whenever people ask inappropriate questions, they assume the person who takes exception to it is repressed?

MichaelNC25: becuase its generally true

MichaelNC25: youre above 18 im assuming?

AprilMWalsh: i can talk about many subjects. why is it that you are incapable of talking about anything besides sex?

AprilMWalsh: yes - but that's not the point

MichaelNC25: well as am i. which means that it isnt inappropriate

AprilMWalsh: i bet you're forty and wear hawaiian shirts

MichaelNC25: well, tell you what, if you will answer my question i will talk about anything that youre little heart pleases

MichaelNC25: lol, actually im 25 and i detest hawaiian shirts

MichaelNC25: what about you miss repression how old are you?

AprilMWalsh: i'm 26 and i'm a porker. now do you still want to ask that question?

MichaelNC25: actually heavier women usually give better head

AprilMWalsh: i was hoping you'd go away... And I don't even want to ask, but how do you figure that?

MichaelNC25: well, its true

MichaelNC25: it comes from the teen years actually

AprilMWalsh: so you would date a heavy woman just for the blow jobs, even if you found her repulsive?

MichaelNC25: most guys dont want to fuck fat chicks but they will let them suck their dicks...this coupled with the fact that most heavier chicks have lower self esteem means that they will suck dick far more often than the average "hot" chick because the "hot" chick is more apt to say no, and only want to fuck

MichaelNC25: and i might, it depends on 2 huge factors. 1 exactly how repuslive she is, and 2 how good she is at giving head

AprilMWalsh: okay, i find that very offensive on a couple million levels

AprilMWalsh: fat chicks don't necessarily do whatever a guy asks because they should feel lucky to have the scraps thrown at them

MichaelNC25: well, im just telling you the popular opininon

MichaelNC25: and it has been proven in more than a few occasions

MichaelNC25: there also is the fact that a large number of heavier women have a oral fixation, which leads to it being easier to get head from them

MichaelNC25: you still havent been able to answer my one simple question

AprilMWalsh: what would you gain by this knowledge?

MichaelNC25: but from our conversation so far, ive gathered the following opinion. you do give head, but you only rarely, or atleast not every time. and i seriously doubt youre a swallower

AprilMWalsh: i don't see the point

AprilMWalsh: stop assuming things

MichaelNC25: well, all i have is assumptions unless you tell me different

MichaelNC25: and i think youre offended because im right

MichaelNC25: but then again thats just another assumption lol

MichaelNC25: have you finally given up? or are you just thinking?

AprilMWalsh: i'm not viscerally offended- it's more of a sad, theoretical offendedness

MichaelNC25: what exactly does a sad theoretical offendedness encompass? lol

AprilMWalsh: like when did women fall off their pedestals to the point where men stopped being polite and just treated them all like sluts

MichaelNC25: i personally believe that women should have never been put on to pedestals

AprilMWalsh: but why fall so far off? It sucks to be on a pedestal for the wrong thing, but to be tossed off it, then under.

AprilMWalsh: who's to blame?

MichaelNC25: no one lol

MichaelNC25: youre just being melodramatic

MichaelNC25: its perfectly natural for a man to be attracted to a woman at a carnal sexual level

MichaelNC25: after all reproduction is one of the basest genetic urges second only to self preservation

AprilMWalsh: i'm not arguing that. I just don't want to answer your question and I'm hoping you see my point and start treating women a little better. i would answer this question with a good friend, with a female relative, with a man i have a desire to sleep with. there's no point in im sex or sex talk with someone you'll never meet and never sleep with

AprilMWalsh: the only point i have here is proving a point

MichaelNC25: if theres no point in it why have you spent so much time avoiding the subject

AprilMWalsh: to prove a point

MichaelNC25: well, what exactly is that point cause i dont get it

AprilMWalsh: that i'm intelligent and I deserve a certain amount of respect for being nice, pleasant, and respectful of everyone i meet. i bet you don't get many dates if this is how you approach a girl. because something like that makes her assume you think she's a bit tarty

MichaelNC25: lol

MichaelNC25: you would be surprised

AprilMWalsh: Do you have any female friends?

MichaelNC25: No.

AprilMWalsh: Why not? Aren't women worthy of friendship?

MichaelNC25: They're incapable. too much deceit.

OOOOOOOOOOOH! What happened next? I'll paste the rest. Seriously, this was the least boring thing to happen in my week. I'm drawing it out because I love to be self-righteous. I know. I wobble on things. I'm traditional in that I like when guys hold doors and apologize for cursing in front of me. But I turn into a big feminist when men suggest women are inferior even though that same respect I mentioned above was given by men who believed women to be fragile and child-like and all that. But, my little rule: boys that really love their moms will treat you right. Good mom= Nice guy. Case? My Grandizio cousins. My aunt Cathy is the sweetest woman alive and her sons adore her. So they all ended up dating girls with the idea of marrying them eventually. They treat them very nicely, too. But that's off the subject. The fact is- I think this guy's got mother issues. Really. Deep-seated woman-hate don't come from just some girlfriend, yo.

Anyway. Whatever. I'm repressed. Do you think it's reasonable for a guy to ask if you spit or swallow and you're supposed to not be offended at all and just answer? Seriously, note me. I have to know if I'm crazy repression girl. Note me and I'll put up part two- believe me- it gets worse.