2004-10-02

I shouldn't have gone out with Wonder Boy last night. I didn't really want to. I'd rather had slept. I had an okay time, but gained nothing from it -not even the urge to see him anymore. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with him. But, at this point, I don't want to go out with guys I can't see myself with in a relationship. At any rate, the date left me hungover, beating myself over the head about a few things, and with only two hours of sleep to start my day.

A day that starts out with you unplugging your alarm (that you've had for two years) because you can't quite figure out how to turn it off, can only get worse.

My cousin Maddy (autistic, six, sometimes resents my existence) was home sick today with bad congestion and lots of adorably angry moaning. First bad thing, there. It eliminates the nap I take on my mid-day break. It also eliminates my break. Bleh.

As I am taking Maddy to the doctor, there's an unearthly shaking. I actually thought it might be the first earthquake I've been awake for since moving to California. It turns out that it's my tire- the one I keep refeeding air as it leaks and leaks and leaks... the one I keep put off fixing on my break as I really want that sleep. It's my tire slowly unraveling, leaving pieces of itself on the road as I pray that Maddy and I get to the gas station without getting any death on us.

At this point, that calm collectedness that I always like to imagine I project actually steps in. I have no cell phone. I have no spare. I have no AAA anymore. I get some change and call a tow truck, the tire place, and Maddy's doctor. I get the girl a gatorade and some chips. I get me a Diet Coke and some back-up smokes for later (not smoking near the sick kid). I start imagining how proudly I'll look back on how cool I was about getting things done. Saw myself as able to be a high-powered executive PTA mom. Of course, you shouldn't congratulate yourself on the past till it's actually past. Maddy had her head in my lap in the back seat of my disabled Dodge and she was moaning and wheezing.

When the tow comes, Maddy refuses to get in. I have to chase her across the parking lot and put her over my shoulder and carry her to the thing. People look at me (as they usually do if this happens) like I'm mistreating her. Or they look at her like she's a brat or crazy. If Maddy had a T-Shirt with day-glo AUTISTIC on it, would they be more understanding? Probably not. There's still a lot of people who don't understand what it is. Poor Maddy.

At the tire place, Maddy slept on a couch they have in their lounge, moaning and wheezing and unconsciously kicking me. Turned out all my tires were about to go boom. They replaced all four. The entire outing cost me three hundred. Yay.

I get Maddy home in time to meet the boys' buses. Maddy is almost sleep-walking. She's so weak and miserable. She keeps saying "hurts" and moaning. I try to feed her crushed up tylenol and sudafed in chocolate milk (can't taste it. Seriously). She won't drink it. Did I mention she didn't eat all day. I was hoping she'd go for the gatorade and water I kept pushing on her. No go. But now the girl was refusing chocolate milk. Insanity.

I took her to her rescheduled appointment just as my Aunt Lisa was getting home. That's when the day ended just awfully. Maddy's doctor sends her to the ER for an emergency chest X-ray. Pneumonia. Low electrolytes. Possibly has athsma. Add to that the fact that she has to be drugged to let the doctors do what they need to. Some people get screwed over left and right. Poor Maddy.