2006-04-30

Been playing around on the computer. I found an online piano. Handy, that. Now I can practice songs (or learn them fresh if I have to). I also found my range. Two octaves and change. Is that bad? With all my years singing, I should know.

I go (at least comfortably, anything below is a stretch, but sort of doable) from a low E to a high G (anything higher sounds screechy). I can belt from a low F to a high E flat. The ability to belt is better on my EEEs and OOOs, then on Ahs and Ohs.

Why am I boring you with this? I don't know. You're here, aren't you?

One thing that hasn't stopped bugging me is the fact that (due to extreme self-googling---I know---- awful thing to do) I know that most people thought I sucked on Idol. I still just wish they'd shown my better stuff. If they'd just shown any one thing I did in Hollywood, I wouldn't feel so darn... hated.

Not that I think I'm absolutely hated by anyone. I mean, that would imply I have some importance in the grand scheme of things. Which I know I don't.

I think this week is just a bad week. There's been no auditions, not much work... It gives a gal too much time to brood and self-google and read fan fiction. While these things are cheap ways to occupy my time, they're also kind of depressing. They serve no purpose and give you no sense of accomplishment. I'm so much happier when I'm busy.

Or maybe all of this is Diet Coke withdrawal. I've been off the sauce for a week and though I thought having no caffeine at all would help the sleep, it's actually worse. This leads me to worries that I have ADHD and should overdose on caffeine just to keep from being so hyper all the time (and especially when it gets dark).

Ugh. I'm in a mood. A dark, broody, I-hate-my-hips, where's-my-life's-purpose kind of mood.

Some of it stems from the fact that my family, while supportive during Idol, has started talking about being practical and having a "real job" again. I was hoping that the Idol thing, along with how close I got with Hairspray, would stop that for a time. And it did. But only for a time.

Ho hum.

I don't know. Every struggling actress gets these doldrums. They'll pass... I think. They better. I've a BA and am a decade into dedicating my life to this showbiz nonsense. What else am I fit for?