2003-05-30

RETRO-DIARY #1- July 28th, 1991

RETRO-DIARY #1- July 28th, 1991

BA-BA-DA-BAAAAAAH!

Can't sleep. Decided to get a jump on the transfer of the RDs. Here it is- my first RETRO-DIARY entry. This is my first diary entry almost ever, or at least from when I first started religiously keeping a diary. I'm copying it as written, flowery prose, spelling mistakes and all (I pride myself on the fact that I see few spelling mistakes- I was always a little nerd). If I wish to comment on anything, you will see it in brackets. This is the start of the long and drawn out Kevin Crushboy Era. His name has been changed to protect the... innocent? Well, I don't really know, do I? Last I knew, he was managing a McDonalds and going for the army. Has the bloom rubbed off? Is he no longer the alleged innocent? Has he robbed banks since or written angry racist articles since then. Hmmm. I just don't know.

Moving on... At this point, I was thirteen and I had just started "going out" with him and I was insanely happy. This euphoria was too big for my thirteen-year-old self. I had to start a diary or explode. I'd had some stupid crush on him for years. See, I had crushes that lasted years. I would hang on to the other crush and play dopey songs until a new one came along. This pattern still goes on, sadly- except for the songs. I cannot break it. A crush cannot be gotten over until replaced with the new model. It's how I am. Anyway, put on your New Kids on the Block "Hangin' Tough" tape, throw a turtle neck on under that T-shirt and let the words take you back to...

7-28-91

I've just started keeping a diary. How shall I begin? [Yeah, I was that pretentious even then.] There's only one boy in the world I love and that is Kevin Crushboy. [Here it comes, people- run away now if you can't handle 13-year-old melodramatic prose.] Oh, I always think of marrying him for I love him so. [GAH! "for I love him so" is so... ew!] He's so cute. He's really sweet and nice too. I hope he loves me. If I hear the songs: "Think of Me + The way that I want you + Everything I do + One Heart + Open Arms + Just once + Lookin through the eyes of love. I think of him. [Just those songs? Really? By the way, I'm shaking with self-loathing right now.] I'm not pretty. Why does he like me? What I really feel bad about is that my young cousin, Hannah likes him too ["my young cousin, Hannah" was two years younger than me- practically a child. She wasn't woman enough to understand yet. Someday, Hannah, you too will love.] But I love him so much, I never pass a moment without dreaming of him. He's so nice to me. And I hopes he loves me like I love him. [I hopes so too, young self, I hopes so too.] I kissed him and it was nice. [I must have spent quite a few minutes before settling on "nice." It was not nice. It was terrible. It was like having your tonsils repeatedly stabbed by a big, squishy tongue. But I'd philosophized that I loved him, so I would suffer in silence.] I love Kevin. Someday, I'll tell him: I love you, Kevin Crushboy.

Ugh! Was I Katherine Hepburn about it or what? My "young cousin, Hannah" and the "Oh's" and on about how I love him "so." I actually squealed with something that was part laughter and part horror. Stay tuned for the Slumber Party of Loooooove three days later.

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