2003-11-30

Have reread both Bridget Jones books today and decided that keeping a diary is a damn good way to track my progress with New Years coming up. I mean, I should know my weight day to day and keep track of what I eat (no matter how shameful). I'm not sure if it will make me some greatly improved April, but I think I should keep track of the mundane as well as my rambly thoughts. There.

Weight: 175 (I have catapulted to a size sixteen!!!! The only reason my clothes fit me any more is that I've stretched them day by day. I look like a giant potato on top of skinny calves and enormous thighs.

I have eaten: Oatmeal-good. Made with whole milk-bad. Four reeses cups and two peppermint barks (people should not leave candy at my house after Thanksgiving), In n'out burger, fries, and shake (Dad walked in with these for me. What was I supposed to do? Say I didn't want it? I'm only a human being, after all), 1 piece of bread pudding (Terry made it and had me try it. Damn her!!!!!). And I've had 5 Diet Cokes and no water. Bad!!!!!!!!

Cigarettes: 10??? I think???? But that's not bad for me.

Exercise: None. But I walked to and from work yesterday. Doesn't that carry over?

What have I done with my day? Watched The Parent Trap and read both Bridget Jones Books. Took Terry to Walmart. Watched a movie with Dad. Yes, that is all- only so far. I mean, it's 11. I could fit more in, maybe. Besides, it's Saturday.

Anyway, finishing vacay recap as promised, though a week late. It's totally not my fault, so throw the chocolate at someone else (or don't. Please). We had family out for Thanksgiving. Miss Best Drunken Performance at a Wedding herself, Aunt Mimi, came out with her husband, Brian (Brian is some kind of great cook. So he is partly to blame for my rapidly-spreading thighs). And there was much hanging and talking and eating and Diet Coke guzzling and chain-smoking I had to do. Then my dad was also out. He and Terry came last weekend in the truck. They travel together when he gets a delivery coming out west. I think that's cute. Like a mini honeymoon every once in a while.

Thanksgiving dinner was fun. There's always lots of laughing when we're all together like that. I think my family kicks ass sometimes. I mean, Krazy K came for dinner and even she said they were both funny and fun. In short, we rock... and roll... all night long... sweet suzie.

Anyway, it was nice to have so many girls around. Aunt Mimi, Terry, Aunt Lisa and I took a girls night. We saw Love Actually and collectively drooled over the men. Aunt Mimi and Lisa were partial to the hot, Latin guy Laura Linney almost gets with. Terry was into Hugh Grant. She thinks my dad looked like Hugh Grant from pictures she saw of him in his twenties. I don't see it- which is why I am able to remain attracted to Hugh Grant without having any Oedipal feelings of ickiness. I am, as always, devoted to Colin Firth and contended that no man held a candle to him. I mean, anyone who is Mr. Darcy in, not one, but two movies deserves my undying loyalty- and lust. Mmmmmm. Colin.

Oh, yeah- vacay recap wrap-up.

Terry and I drove to Chicago in a rental car. We listened to CDs and babbled. I did all the driving and got loopier as I went. Sometimes we came out with observations on life that I thought were brilliant and wished I had a tape recorder or had asked Terry to take them down. We were both sure we'd remember, though. I even made up my mind to make a list of our fabulous quotes. But I can't remember a single thing either of us said. Except maybe my extensive rhapsodizing on chocolate croissants (which we got at this travel stop bakery.I'd never had them before. I can't stop thinking of them since). I do remember ODing on candied almonds. My jaw was really sore- even up to before my audition.

The audition? I sucked. Every single fabulous thing I ever did in class was gone out of my head. I gave the most generic, soulless, inconsequential audition of my life. Needless to say, I didn't get it. Will try again (whenever I get the opportunity again) and not get myself so nervous next time. I did see Mike Meyers, though. Here's how it went down.

Mike Meyers is leaning against the wall as my fellow auditioners and I come out of the theater. He's clapping and saying encouraging things like "Good job, guys" and "Bravo" and "April, Marry me" ------ Maybe not that last one. Anyway, I'm at the front of the the departing group. Here would have been a great time to say something cool or witty. What do I do? I stop dead in my tracks, point at him, make a strange noise. Then I look down, tuck my hair behind my ear and awkwardly walk by. Unforunately, he was two feet away at the time. So my little "nerd girl reaction to captain of football team" impersonation wasn't lost on him. In short, I am a giant dork.

Some celebrities, I see them and go about my business. Besides Meyers, the only one who's made me lose my (questionable) cool is Dean Haglund (Langly----of the Lone Gunmen-------- of the X-files------- if you don't know who he is, you are probably cooler than me). Considering I want to be a great and legendary comedian, I probably have to work on being completely blank about seeing someone famous. How can you hope to be their peer if you can't form a sentence around them?

But things are fine at the conservatory now. Had my first show with my class. Tried out two new characters. My innocent white trash, almost-housewife went over very well with the audience. Have been creating some nice characters. Why I couldn't remember a single one of them at the audition, I don't know. Anyway, it's done. Will try to stop hitting myself in the head over it. Not like it was my only chance for a year- well, except for how it totally was. It's so tough writing news that sucks.

Crappy vacation.

But I loved my time with my friends and family. And isn't that what it's all about? I mean, sure, we all want to have a vacay fling and some hot making out against walls outside of sleazy bars. But we rarely get those. So it's best to focus on the little joys, right?

What I looooved:

Talking to Renee while chainsmoking in her kitchen about everything that came to mind in no order at all.

Stopping by Leanne's house whenever the whim struck me (an easy thing as she is close to the ancestral home now). It made me wish I lived there again and could pop by my friends homes and interrupt their lives on a whim.

Getting to be giggly with D-San and Lisa. They're the kind of friends you cannot be miserable around. They have such a childlike enthusiasm for life. It's catchy.

Hanging with Aunt C and bookmarking my pages for her. Maybe she'll, I don't know, read them someday??

Road-tripping with the Evil Stepmother. It was good to have some quality time with her- just us. Now she might reconsider locking me in the closet and not letting me go to the ball. Maybe she'll even get that damn huntsman off my tail (now having disturbing image of being hunted by creepy, lumpy-faced man. The vision is a lot better when you replace him by Colin Firth. Mmmmm).

Hanging with dad- in general. Even though he wouldn't stop fooling around with his mistresses (what I call the broken-down computers he doggedly tries fixing).

Hanging with the nephews and the single niece. Love being around them. Except when they make me all misty (as in "I want a baby" syndrome).

And to every aunt, uncle, cousin, sibling: all of you rock hard. Seriously, my family is freaking fun!

But, otherwise, as far as what I got out of it that I could take with me (like a rash on my cheek from the stubble of the hot guy I never made out with, or the position in Second City's touring company that I didn't get. I mean, couldn't I have these itsy, bitsy things?), the vacation was crap. Complete and total crap.