2004-05-07

I just caught up on all of my backed-up TV of the past two weeks. Mostly, it's my backed-up American Idol. You don't know how many times I've had to cover my ears and hum the Battle Hymn of the Republic just upon hearing the words, "American Idol." But now I can stop. Maybe I shouldn't have started. I wasn't really surprised by the results. And I pretty much heard stuff anyway.

So John Stevens got the boot last time. I was expecting it long before this, but I guess all the Clay-ites (or at least the ones who weren't me... Yes, I was one of them. Judge me. I know you want to.). Anyway, all of them went over to Stevens, though I'm surprised they weren't more into JPL. I was all over the both of these boys at first. I was even all over Matt Stevens before I divorced him on the grounds of... coming off smug. It just shows that I am desperate to have a crush right now and I'll take any fake celebrity that comes my way.

The bottom line for JPL was that he had no polish and was relying on his zaniness and grade school dancing to get him through. With Matt, he was using his questionable charm, smarming at all the ladies and wearing sleeveless shirts to show off his hometown beefiness. I'm a fan of a beefy manly man. I'm also a fan of a well-meaning dork. But these boys couldn't make it work with me. Maybe it's the fact that their singing wasn't up to par. Maybe it's the fact that they revealed themselves to be fakey, fame-whore boys. Maybe it's the fact that they're on TV and we've never met. Who can say what makes a relationship fall apart?

It seemed that the fight for my love was now between John Stevens and George Huff. But I already knew my love for John was fading by then. John was mellow, John was croony, John was a redhead, which I like. I mean, having the odd crush on a redhead is good for semi-obsessive entertainment eaters like me. Variety. But he was only sixteen. So our love would be illegal and I don't want to go to prison. And his mellow crooniness started to grate on me. Can't he get his energy up for one song out of seven? Somebody give this boy a Red Bull!

Been waiting for him to go since Movie Night. Now he's gone. But he should have gone before Jennifer Hudson, at least. She was my hand-picked best friend!! She's a bit chubby. I like that in a best friend. It means we can whine about our weight while eating ice cream. We can go shopping at trendy stores and leave empty handed, then whine about our weight and eat more ice cream.

Now there's only LaToya, my back-up best-friend. She's sweet and would probably give thoughtful gifts. But she's boring. Fantasia's more exciting, but she's so bombarding. I like to be the one that talks alot. I need a friend who understands that. And I REFUSE to befriend that Jasmine. She's so freakin cute and empty. If I held her head to my ear, I'd hear the ocean. Her entire thing is that she's hawaiian. There's really nothing else to her. And Diana Degarmo? TWoPers got it right. Mini Tracy Flick. So it just leaves La Toya. She's my best friend.

As for boyfriend, I can't in good faith pick George Huff. He's smiley and nice and all, but he's just so... asskissy. I thought his whooping gratitude would have died out a bit now. But it hasn't. If he was my boyfriend, he'd just agree with everything I say. He has no sass. Besides, after the emotional ups and downs of this season, I think I need some time alone to sort out my feelings. No one this year has inspired the blind love or burining hatred of last year's people. Everyone bores me shitless. How sad I am.

As for Estefan Night:

I thought it was amazing that nobody commented on that one back-up singer in Sound Machine who was out of tune. Not once all night. I picked him out of every song. Who's cousin is he?

Seacrest.. OUT! I hate when people try to invent their own catch phrases. That's why I have never tried. Unless you count starting every diary entry with "I still love Kevin" when I was fourteen. Which I don't. I did go through a phase in High School where I was calling everyone champ or tiger. It didn't take. I'm not built for condescension.

Anyhow, on to the actual current American Idol. Then last week's Joan of Arcadia. Then tonight's Friends finale. I just love timers. They make TV fit my needs. Can't wait till I'm not a starving artist and can get a Tivo. I don't know how I'll handle that much heaven.

It's like when you meet a celebrity you've been fantasizing about for years. It will be surreal, but so gratifying. Having a Tivo will make me a better human. It's like how people that date celebrities are just a little better than everyone else..... I don't actually believe that. I just felt like saying it. I do that.