2006-01-15

So...

Yes. This blog is private. And there's probably no reason to write in it. But a girl just needs to write. See, that was always my problem with diaries in general. I need an audience. I mean, not that I ever encouraged people to read my diaries before the advent of the internet... wait, that's a lie. Years later, I read them aloud to some friends. God, they were hilarious. Which really wasn't the point of them. Sadly, they were heartbreakingly earnest. Hmm. Probably the very thing that makes them so darn funny to me now.

Yes. Rambling. Old habits die hard. See, now I even forgot what I wanted to write about. Instead I babble on about the nature of diaries and why they look so dribbly to us later. One of my main problems- overeducated with nowhere to put it. Sort of like being overeducated and unemployable. Yeah. That's true, too. A lot of things I've done have turned out to be for nothing.

I spent grade school trying to get the best possible grades so I could go to a good prep school. Of course, I chose not to go to the prep school. Instead, I picked the all-girls Catholic high school because I was so darn sick of being picked on by boys. So... all that hard work was really fr nothing.

Then I spent high school involving myself in every theater and chorus and forensics project I could get my hands on and studying up a storm to get in the best possible college. And after all that? I choose Allentown- not based on its merits, but on location. Just far enough that I can live there, yet close enough to visit. And what major? After all that studying and the partial scholarship and the SAT scores... Theater.

I see a pattern. Prepare myself to reach for the stars, then settle on what's convenient and safe.

Except the theater major part. That was a dreamer's idea. Very useless degree, though.

Actually, I wouldn't trade it. I relished every second on stage and every second working out a scene. It's funny that the things I'm good at are never practical. My favorite classes in college besides the ones in my major were equally useless- Philosophy.

I took every philosophy course I could get my grimy little hands on. And I aced each one? What does that get you? Nothing much.

Except a very open paradigm to view the world with. Which really does help you as you go, It makes it easier to detach and see the big picture for yourself and others.

Actually, I kind of like being good at useless things. They make me happy.

I just wish they didn't make me broke.