2006-01-25

In case this entry ever sees the light of day when my diary is unlocked...

So, if this entry is out there, then the fact that I did not make the top 24 is known. But, hey! I made the freakin top 44! That's effin fabulous and, truthfully, more than I thought I'd get out of the show.

Why did I audition?

Because I love the show, because they raised the age limit, and because I was just dying to see what the three judges would say to me. Getting in front of them was a surreal fangirl fantasy times eight... million. And getting through to Hollywood? Forget about it.

Truth be told, I've been out of the loop for a while- as far as my struggling entertainer dreams. Once Uncle Joe got sicker and Grandpop passed, I just let these things fall by the wayside. I couldn't focus energy on the auditions and mass mailings with so much going on.

So what did I do? I wrote two trashy romance novels. They cheered me up (and I still hold out hope for their eventual publication- if they could make me feel better with what was going on, maybe some other stressed-out, lovelorn girl will find solace). I let those be my release and stopped with the improv and whatnot. They were easy to squeeze into my schedule (and Grandpop got such a kick out of locking me out back as I typed away on the laptop).

In fact, I was starting to resign myself to a life where I'm not a performer (except for the occasional karaoke outing). Then I decided to try out in San Francisco. I carefully planned my trip and took that long drive. I took lots of advice from everyone and tried to dress a bit trendier and sing something pretty and understated. But these things didn't really work for me. I didn't get past round one (forget the three judges).

I should have known. Me and trendy have never mixed. Because I always feel best about myself if I'm tricked out like a taxi-dancer circa 1939.

So I decided to give it one more try. I skipped the dirve and booked a greyhound to Denver. I thought I'd be ready and refreshed after letting someone else do the driving. Wrong move, in a way. 23 hours on a bus is not and will never be refreshing. But I did it. And I did a song I liked (with cheesy choreography, no less) and wore what I wanted.

And look what happened...

Well, the critics didn't all rave after my first airing- that's for sure. I've been called a jelly-swigger (it was honey and it really does coat a raw throat). I've been accused of taking a cue from sound of music and fashioning a dress from curtains (hey, I liked my dress, but-as I said-I've never been trendy).

Well, Hollywood hasn't aired yet. Let's see if people change their tune, then. Might not happen, but a girl can hope. I have to say, knowing I'm not top 24 takes some of the excitement of watching the show away for me. When they aired Denver, I still had stars in my eyes- visions of a Mama Cass tribute album and talk shows.

But this experience hasn't brought me down. On the contrary- It's only encouraged me. I'm not looking for some quiet life out of the spotlight writing trashy novels (well, maybe on the side). I'm a performer. And maybe I'm not going to be super famous and loved by millions. But I'll work. I'll audition. I will go back to theater. And I'll work my way up from there. So the kid's down, but not out.