2006-03-03

So... I stepped into that room and I was nervous. But I decided I'd be happy no matter what. Pasted on a smile and stumbled in. The judges asked me about my bus ride. I told them how disappointing it was. I mean, they do make it look kind of cool in commercials- seeing the beautiful mountians and whatnot. Simon suggested I try the Lear jet. I told him I'd remember that next time.

I did my song, starting with the quiet bits (which they didn't show), then blowing it out with my lame choreography. I was going to be fun, if nothing else, darn it!

Randy- rightly accused me of having a good time.

Paula- Said "You just love performing, don't you? I can tell."

Randy- "This is a great day in Denver, I'm loving this day. How about you, Cowell?"

Simon- "I don't know. I could see that performance from any struggling actress across the country."

Paula argued a bit. Simon countered that there were "many struggling actresses just like... What was your name again?" Then he said his restaurant bit (which they showed).

Randy broke it up, saying he liked me. Paula agreed and asked if I had anther song. I did. I'd decided on "Only The Lonely" as it's not taxing vocally and I was feeling shaky. I started on, "We walked the..." Then, no kidding, I stepped forward and stumbled. Almost fell down. The room broke out in laughter. "Perfect line for for that to happen on," I said nervously. More laughs. Then I started again and finished, without stumbling this time.

Randy called for decisions. No from Simon, yes from Paula, yes from Randy.

I. Was. Floored. Ryan jawed with me a bit about my stumble and how I felt about Simon's comments. I said I just couldn't please everyone all the time and I'd just try to change his mind.

As I was leaving, I was asked if I wanted to sing anything about going to Hollywood in the style of Judy Garland.

Were they crazy? of course I did. I made up an impromptu rhyming song (which I can't fully remember) and delivered it in Judy's voice. After that... I went for my triumphant exit. Up that escalator. Up that down escalator.

Someone said "Wrong way." But it just didn't click. We all know what happened then.

The rest was rather anticlimactic. I called my dad and shrieked a while, I found a bus that took me to the airport. I slept all the way back.

At LAX, Lisa and the kids met me with flowers and Diet Coke. As I waited for my bags, the hair stylist for the show stopped me. His name was Dean, I think. He said everyone backstage called me Judy. I liked that. I mean, who wouldn't want to be called Judy (except for the drugs and the way the studio system treated her and all).

I spent the next months watching the kids and contemplating whether I wanted to lose weight. I have my body identity struggles, as do we all. I never know whether I actually want to lose weight or just think I should because of others' preceptions and blah, blah, blah.... Too much to go into this time of night.

I'll get back with my Hollywood recap when I can. I'm escorting Aunt Crazy to Philly by plane, you know.

While there, I'll frantically check my cell for any word about whether or not I'm Tracy Turnblad in the new Hairspray movie. Longshot, I know. But we all have dreams.