2006-04-19

Well... It's hard having what is now two blogs. I think I've been favoring the other one. I should be ashamed of myself. But, you know, it plays music and has pictures.

But, really, this one is where my longest history of whining and crazy talk is. And this one shall be the home of most of the whining and crazy talk. Ain't it lucky?

What do I have to whine about today? Well, there's my recurring sleep problems. See, whether I had enough sleep or not, it never used to matter. I'd get up and get to business. I spent two years waking up at six to watch Uncle Joe's kids. Why is there a problem now? I don't know.

I could chalk it up to living alone. I mean, since Grandpop passed, I have been living alone for the first time in my life. It wasn't as much of a problem until just after Christmas. I think that's when this started.

I mean, there was Idol and all the trips back to Philly for the funerals and Aunt Crazy. Those things kind of complicated things. Is that why? Have I got myself into an unstable sleep pattern- one with no real, discernable pattern?

Maybe it's depression. Not the real despairing kind like just after the deaths last year. But a lazy, quiet, purposeles, loafing kind of depression. I am suffering from a severe lack of motivation.

I don't really know what it is. I just want it to stop. I want to fall asleep at night, not just when the sun's coming up. And I want to wake up when my alarm goes off, not hours after.

It's been years of this, really. It just seems worse now because I can't seem to make myself wake up when I've had too little sleep anymore. I used to just cowboy up and get through the day. Now?

I just take my sleep, and at the wrong time of day. My pattern seems to be six till one. I hate it.

Maybe I'll look up some sleep disorders and fantasize about what maladies I may have. Yeah. That sounds fun.